An internship away from home,

Right now, I am looking into internships at DC away from home. It would be nice to get away from home for a little bit while doing something that I am interested in, especially something that is related to my career interest… The internship locations that I found that I am particularly interested in are at the Dept of Justice, INTERPOL, the Attorney's Office in DC, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. I have two options, either fall quarter or spring quarter, and honestly, I do not know right now which I would prefer, but I know I am doing one for sure. I am a bit reluctant since I have never left home before and if I were to do this, I would be completely on my own… for real this time. But I guess that's all a part of growing up and eventually I will need to be on my own, so why not do it now, right? I am also a bit reluctant because that would mean leaving behind YouthCAN for a while and honestly… I don't know if that's something I want to do… or… I don't know… If I do, would Minh be able to do it on her own for a while? Or is it time for me to part ways soon? Not sure, omg so much thinking… Anyway, I'm going to bed now. This was just a little random post.

First time at Ding Tai Fung,

My first time at Ding Tai Fung was today. So basically, my cousin took us there to eat, and our wait time was an hour to an hour fifty. My cousin got us in within 20 minutes, which was pretty dope. Before we even ordered, the waiter was already bringing us our food, and my sister said he was "eye balling" me. LOL, be brought us an order of the spicy sauce noodle and an extra green tea milk tea and said he wouldn't charge us for it and that he wanted us to try it because it was "delicious." I'm not gonna lie, he was kind of cute. Heh. ;3… 

 This is my younger sister and I. We do have our differences sometimes but I suppose that's the whole sister thing, right? I would do anything to protect her and if anyone tried to hurt my younger sister I would pop a cap in their ass. She's like a mini-me in a way because everything thinks she looks like me. I adore my younger sister. In a way we are like complete opposites. I love dark things, I love being a rebel, being edgy, and she's more into happy/bright things, being obedient and the perfect daughter to my mom. I think it's really funny how we both have so much sass. My friends describe me as sassy and her friends do too. I mean what can I say? We're just a sassy ass family. 

Loving yourself means there has to be acceptance of your flaws along side your perfections.

I have never felt so beautifully confident in myself than I do right now. Everyone has those phases where they learn to love themselves right? Well for some reason, the edgy, grunge look and the whole piercings thing is what makes me feel confident. People ask me why and I say it's because it's who I am. I love dark colors, neutral colors and colors that look like they're dying. I am a bright, radiant person who dwells in the darkest clothing there is. I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color. I honestly believe you can never go wrong with black, can never go wrong wearing plain colors. You can't go wrong with basic tee's either. Additionally, I realized that gold isn't a cute color on me jewelry wise, and that silver is my color. This post was just full of random stuff, I realize that.

Let's go into something a little more about the confidence I have developed in myself. I started off hating my hair, hating my lips and my eyes. I didn't like the way I looked, but as I grew up I realized that if I don't love myself for who I am then how can i expect someone else to love me? Over time, I realized what beautiful eyes I actually do have, I realized that my hair is actually pretty healthy and nice regardless of its length, I realized my lips were luscious and beautiful, I realized that I should love me for all of me. I can't change anything about myself. And additional factors that helped me actually accept and love myself was the fact that I found out who I am and that I found my style. I would like to end this post by saying that everyone is beautiful, inside and out. You may not see it, but someone else does and once you know your worth and your beauty inside, you'll learn to love yourself and love who you are on the outside. When you fully accept your perfection, your flaws, the things you love about yourself and the things you hate, you'll realize how much of a beautiful person you are and that is all that matters. All that matters is that you accept yourself for who you are. <3

I have pretty high expectations and that is both good and bad.

This song is a totally accurate representation of my life and this post. 

 I have pretty high expectations of people. Me now versus who I was in high school is completely different. Of course in high school, I still had pretty high expectations of myself but now they're even higher. In addition to that, those high expectations have gone into other aspects of my life aka my friendships and what I look for in a relationship/out of a guy. I suppose you could say that is why I broke up with Vince. In high school, I wanted completely different things than I do now. 

Let's start off with myself. In high school I was definitely obsessed with getting all A's and I wouldn't and couldn't accept anything lower. I worked my ass off and anyone who got in my way got brushed off. For example, all those people who asked for help in my math and science classes like biology, chemistry and physics. I helped those who I felt like helping but once I found out how much of a hindrance they were, I dropped them and gave half assed replies such as, "I don't know how to do this," or "I don't know… I just guessed and got it correct," or "You can't copy my work, if I get it wrong and you got it wrong and it's the same method the teacher will dock points," and or I just never replied to them. I didn't mind helping people as long as they weren't a hindrance to my goals. I loved keeping to myself. People who asked me for help just pissed me off. Honestly, I felt like if everyone paid attention, took proper notes, asked the teacher proper questions, and actually PUT IN EFFORT and TRIED then they would have had no trouble with school and they would have gotten their work done. I hated helping people with things when I spent hours on a problem and they only tried 2 minutes and gave up. It was one of my pet peeves. Why should I give you my work that I labored over so intensively when you just gave up the first try? You don't deserve it, you should have worked at it! Which is why I loved my academy. I realized that a lot of the people who were in my academy never asked for help as often as the ones from AOF and PSA. They tried hard for their own work unlike those two academies, which is why I never looked up on them. I can't stand people who ask for help the first time they don't get something. You're suppose to try and try again. 

This went into my friends too. If you tried, I tried, if you didn't, I didn't. Why should I? Which is why I kept to a certain group of friends and never branched out. Until after high school, I realized which friends actually put forth effort and those were the friends I kept in my life till this day. I can't stand those friends who expect you to do everything… my expectation is that if you want me as a friend, you should show it. 

Relationship wise, why did I break up with my boyfriend of two years? In high school, I just wanted someone to love. I didn't really care who it was or anything. At that time I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to major in, what college I wanted to go to and I did not have my life figured out at all. After entering college, I realized that I wanted to focus on my education and my future. I wanted to focus on being successful and I set goals that were hard but in my eyes achievable. I put a lot of my immature tendencies and my stupid hobbies aside just to focus on the prize. I quit Reign because it was more of a hindrance on my future and my education… why should I have focused all my attention on an organization with a selfish founder? Anyway, that's a blog for a different day, continuing on… I involved myself with things that would help me be successful, I hung out with people who had their lives figured out and have goals… but here's the thing… my boyfriend at the time had nothing figured out. He didn't fill out his FAFSA for college, he didn't apply to a University, he focused so much on gaming and working out at the gym that clearly his life goals were not being met, worked at or anything… and I just felt like his life wasn't going anywhere. I wanted someone who had goals and ambitions in life, not someone who is rotting away in their basement playing stupid ass video games. I wanted someone who was similar to me, someone who wants to do something with their life, someone who has the same interests as me. My ex and I had nothing in common, except for the fact that we both just wanted someone to love. But by the time I entered college I realized I wanted more than just someone to "love" but that I wanted someone who is as driven as I am, stubborn as I am, persistent as I am, goal orientated as I am… I grew up, and I realized that what I wanted back then is and was completely different than what I want now. Which is why it didn't work out. I also wanted someone physically here, someone I could have gone on spontaneous adventures with around Seattle, someone who would watch Netflix with me and eat pizza, someone who would hang out with me at a cafe and someone who could physically hug me when I'm sad and such. 

These expectations in people that I have could either cause me to lose all my friends, or keep all the ones who care for me the way I care for them. These expectations for my relationship with that special someone could either cause me to be alone forever because no one meets those expectations and or I'll find the perfect guy who is goal orientated, ambitious and everything I look for in a guy and be completely satisfied with my life because I'll be in the career of my dreams and have the man of my dreams. Either way, good and bad comes out of these expectations. Life is all about taking risks otherwise life would be boring, right? So I'll risk it and keep these expectations in people and my future relationship. Tying this back into my karma post, if I'm not a complete bitch with these expectations, something good should come out of it, right? Anyway, that's a food for thought haha. Things that I ponder about at random times of the day. 

I do nice things for others in hope that if something similar happens to me, that someone else would be kind enough to do the same.

Believe it or not, I am a huge believer of karma. I'm not Buddhist nor do I believe in the Buddhist way of karma. I don't believe in the afterlife, so the whole thing about me doing good deeds in this life and being reborn into a better life because of my good deed is irrelevant. For me, I believe in karma in this life. I believe that if you fucked someone over, then in this life, karma will get back at you. If I found a phone, I would try to return it. If I lost my husky card, I would want someone to pick it up and find a way to return it to me. If I lost anything that is returnable, I would like for it to come back to me. Which is why I picked up this girl's Husky card today, so I could return it to her. I suppose one thing I am working on and hoping to be able to continue to do is be nice to people and continue to do good deeds in which are selfless. I think that if I continue to do good things that good things will start happening to me. The end of 2013, I started giving more and thinking of others more… and good things started to happen to me. Not only did the good karma make me feel good, but being able to do things for others made me feel good inside too. I love being able to know that I made an impact on someone's life, putting a smile on someone's face, bringing happiness into someone's life when they least expect it. I realized how much I love doing little things to make other people's day amazing because I know that if I were in their position, that my day would have been amazing and turned out amazing too. I think if everyone went out of their way and did something as little as waving and smiling at someone, then society would be so much better. Studies show that American's aren't happy because money does not really have any correlation to the happiness of someone, but I feel like if everyone went out of their way everyday, whether it be big or small, DO SOMETHING, to make someone else's day because in return, you'll feel good for doing it and I believe karma will send something good your way. 

Just like how I believe karma does find you, if you do something bad and don't get caught, something will happen. Just a food for thought… does karma actually exist? Or is everything that happens just a coincidence? 

Reflection on my seemingly pointless life that ended up not so pointless.

I always thought of myself as the ordinary girl who never had any real talents and no real interests that could help me establish my life after college, no real interests that would help steer me into a career that I would be interested in. I was not smart like a lot of the people in my academy, yet I was not stupid like the people in the academies lower than mine. I was never as creative as the artists I knew, I couldn’t sketch, paint or take photos as breath-taking as my friends, I couldn’t write nice poetry, I wasn’t very good in math, and I just didn’t have any recognizable talents like those around me, nothing worth mentioning… Entering college I felt lost. I had no interest in the medical field, the business field or the sciences… I sucked at math, chemistry, physics and all of that… But then I stumbled upon my first law societies and justice class. I crossed paths with the law. I stumbled upon the injustices going on in the world today and in the past, I stumbled upon the inequality in the world that existed in the past and still exists today, I stumbled upon my love for speaking up for what is right, voicing my opinion, fighting for what I believe in and using the law as a tool to obtain whatever it was I desired and morally believe to be right. Knowing my rights, knowing that they cannot be taken away because of the color of my skin and where I come from empowers me to be able to fight for those who are stripped of their rights, to fight and speak up for those without a voice. My dream is to help my community, to change my community and to make the world a better place. 

So for those who have no idea what their passion is yet, for those who are lost, for those who feel hopeless in college, for those who don’t know what their interests are, for those who feel talentless, for those who have no idea what direction your life is going, I was there too. You will have your “ah-hah” moment, you will realize what matters to you, and you will realize what you feel strongly about. It took me the end of my first year of college to figure it out, so trust me, if you don’t know yet, you’re fine because you eventually will, just explore all the different things your college and community offers you.