I have pretty high expectations and that is both good and bad.

This song is a totally accurate representation of my life and this post. 

 I have pretty high expectations of people. Me now versus who I was in high school is completely different. Of course in high school, I still had pretty high expectations of myself but now they're even higher. In addition to that, those high expectations have gone into other aspects of my life aka my friendships and what I look for in a relationship/out of a guy. I suppose you could say that is why I broke up with Vince. In high school, I wanted completely different things than I do now. 

Let's start off with myself. In high school I was definitely obsessed with getting all A's and I wouldn't and couldn't accept anything lower. I worked my ass off and anyone who got in my way got brushed off. For example, all those people who asked for help in my math and science classes like biology, chemistry and physics. I helped those who I felt like helping but once I found out how much of a hindrance they were, I dropped them and gave half assed replies such as, "I don't know how to do this," or "I don't know… I just guessed and got it correct," or "You can't copy my work, if I get it wrong and you got it wrong and it's the same method the teacher will dock points," and or I just never replied to them. I didn't mind helping people as long as they weren't a hindrance to my goals. I loved keeping to myself. People who asked me for help just pissed me off. Honestly, I felt like if everyone paid attention, took proper notes, asked the teacher proper questions, and actually PUT IN EFFORT and TRIED then they would have had no trouble with school and they would have gotten their work done. I hated helping people with things when I spent hours on a problem and they only tried 2 minutes and gave up. It was one of my pet peeves. Why should I give you my work that I labored over so intensively when you just gave up the first try? You don't deserve it, you should have worked at it! Which is why I loved my academy. I realized that a lot of the people who were in my academy never asked for help as often as the ones from AOF and PSA. They tried hard for their own work unlike those two academies, which is why I never looked up on them. I can't stand people who ask for help the first time they don't get something. You're suppose to try and try again. 

This went into my friends too. If you tried, I tried, if you didn't, I didn't. Why should I? Which is why I kept to a certain group of friends and never branched out. Until after high school, I realized which friends actually put forth effort and those were the friends I kept in my life till this day. I can't stand those friends who expect you to do everything… my expectation is that if you want me as a friend, you should show it. 

Relationship wise, why did I break up with my boyfriend of two years? In high school, I just wanted someone to love. I didn't really care who it was or anything. At that time I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to major in, what college I wanted to go to and I did not have my life figured out at all. After entering college, I realized that I wanted to focus on my education and my future. I wanted to focus on being successful and I set goals that were hard but in my eyes achievable. I put a lot of my immature tendencies and my stupid hobbies aside just to focus on the prize. I quit Reign because it was more of a hindrance on my future and my education… why should I have focused all my attention on an organization with a selfish founder? Anyway, that's a blog for a different day, continuing on… I involved myself with things that would help me be successful, I hung out with people who had their lives figured out and have goals… but here's the thing… my boyfriend at the time had nothing figured out. He didn't fill out his FAFSA for college, he didn't apply to a University, he focused so much on gaming and working out at the gym that clearly his life goals were not being met, worked at or anything… and I just felt like his life wasn't going anywhere. I wanted someone who had goals and ambitions in life, not someone who is rotting away in their basement playing stupid ass video games. I wanted someone who was similar to me, someone who wants to do something with their life, someone who has the same interests as me. My ex and I had nothing in common, except for the fact that we both just wanted someone to love. But by the time I entered college I realized I wanted more than just someone to "love" but that I wanted someone who is as driven as I am, stubborn as I am, persistent as I am, goal orientated as I am… I grew up, and I realized that what I wanted back then is and was completely different than what I want now. Which is why it didn't work out. I also wanted someone physically here, someone I could have gone on spontaneous adventures with around Seattle, someone who would watch Netflix with me and eat pizza, someone who would hang out with me at a cafe and someone who could physically hug me when I'm sad and such. 

These expectations in people that I have could either cause me to lose all my friends, or keep all the ones who care for me the way I care for them. These expectations for my relationship with that special someone could either cause me to be alone forever because no one meets those expectations and or I'll find the perfect guy who is goal orientated, ambitious and everything I look for in a guy and be completely satisfied with my life because I'll be in the career of my dreams and have the man of my dreams. Either way, good and bad comes out of these expectations. Life is all about taking risks otherwise life would be boring, right? So I'll risk it and keep these expectations in people and my future relationship. Tying this back into my karma post, if I'm not a complete bitch with these expectations, something good should come out of it, right? Anyway, that's a food for thought haha. Things that I ponder about at random times of the day.