I guess you could say this is a supplemental letter to all those I've previously written.
I realized how long it has been since I have posted anything. I've been more so focused on physically writing in my journals than I have been blogging. I miss how easy it is to let words flow from my hands as I type away.
In the past, I've written a total of three "Dear Future Boyfriend" letters/posts. Given that I have one now, I think it's time for a "Dear Boyfriend, I can explain..." letter/post.
I wish I was smart
enough to include the dates of my original Dear Future Boyfriend posts,
but honestly I wasn't. I'm pretty sure I was in high school though. The
reason I think this, is because this post was from my previous tumblr.
Not the noircoffeee one, but the xXHypnotiq one. There are several "Dear
Future Boyfriend" posts on my noircoffeee tumblr that I think would
probably be good to transfer over, or not. We'll see.
Compilation of previous letters.
Let's start.
Dear Boyfriend,
I can explain.
The original Dear Boyfriend Post was written in high school (I believe). I think I was one of the few girls who experienced various flings and dated loosely (no titles). Of course, a lot of those inevitably ended up with me as the individual who cared more than the other. Everything I said and did was not enough and I felt almost always second rate. Instead of admitting that I tried 100% and still failed, I put up the facade that I'm not the best girlfriend ever. I put up the facade that I get tired and lose interest quickly because I'd much rather say I lost interest first, than to watch someone lose interest in me. "I am insecure, I cry, I get mad, I get upset... and hey, I can be really cocky sometimes." I am insecure because in many instances, I felt like I was never good enough. I cry because after feeling that way for so long, I really began to think it's just me. I get mad because after a while, it becomes frustrating trying to figure out how, when, and where things went wrong and how things could have ended up differently, and I'm cocky sometimes, because I know I tried 100%, so it makes NO sense to me why it doesn't work out. I mean, come on, I'm fucking great. I wasn't being cocky when I said I had exs who've come back telling me they miss me because I'm different and regret hurting me. It has happened on several occasions with exs and some flings. In retrospect, it wasn't really a me issue... much, it sounds like it was more of a they problem, clearly I knew how to pick them, right haha. If they hurt me and it ended, but they came back, it was because they realized they fucked up, right?
In my second letter, I think this was my sophomore year? Not much older, not much wiser, lol. I think after a certain point, doubting comes naturally. If the common denominator is me in all these failed "relationships", naturally one would think that it's themselves. I started acting irrationally because I knew it was a self-destructive thing. If I acted rationally and it blew up in my face, it was me. If I act irrationally, and it blows up in my face, at least I can blame the fact I was being irrational. "I might doubt our relationship but your job is to keep me from doubting you, from doubting the relationship. I know it sounds like I expect you to put all the work into this relationship, but to be honest... I don't expect that." Instinctively, I doubt. I doubt because I feel I don't deserve certain words, actions, or people in my life. I don't doubt because I want to, I don't doubt because I lack trust. I doubt because I don't think I deserve certain things and that comes from not fully knowing my self-worth. It is something I am working on and have been for god knows how long haha. Since my last serious relationship?
Also, I date because I want stability and long term. Historically, that was what I wanted and pursued. But somehow, I almost always ended up with duds who 1. played me, 2. weren't looking for anything serious yet had the audacity to tell me they were to trap me into something short term, or 3. found better and/or saw me as second rate/the back up.
The third future boyfriend post, was sometime after my last serious relationship and several failed attempts at dating. I story I tell everyone was that I was cheated on once. In reality, three times. 1. P.C., 2. D.V., 3. V.V.
1. P.C.: Quick synopsis of what happened. I think this was the start of the damage.
2. D.V.: We dated on and off about seven times. One of the most toxic relationships I was ever in. He destroyed me emotionally, bounced me around like a yo-yo. One minute I was the world, the next I was the annoying bitch, who didn't deserve love, who didn't deserve his attention, his time, his love, his commitment/loyalty... He must have talked to several girls yet my dumbass stayed because every time I was on the cusp of leaving, he'd pull me back in. I was always stupid enough to think he'd change. I think, during the 6th time I went back to him, he cheated on me with this girl he met on MySpace (LOL yeah, MySpace). They ended up going to hang out after school one day, but I didn't go... I think I was busy studying for a test and turned his ass down. During that hang out, that girl's friend took pictures of the two together and posted it on MySpace... and I saw. I ended it. My dumbass still went back a seventh time though. He tried to emotionally fuck me up more by being the verbally abusive asshole he was, and I think part of me snapped... I used the seventh chance as my revenge and hurt him and left. He transferred schools he he realized I cut the cord and would never go back. The last contact I had with him was my 18th birthday when he stopped by, gave a friend of mine roses and a bear to give to me. No card. No explanation.
3. V.V. I think we started out as friends who were semi-interested in each other. He always had his eyes on another girl though. Someone who I considered a friend. She... was only interested in him when she felt like it. I supposed because I was around, he picked me? Constantly I always felt second rate. His priorities: video games > me and her > me. It really got tricky when my "friend" became interested in him, when he was mine because he picked her but kept me on a tight leash. I assumed it was because if it didn't work out with her, he'd still at least have me. For a long time I stayed because he already saw me at my worst and still "wanted" to be with me... I was scared I wouldn't find anyone who'd want to be with me after knowing EVERYTHING about me. Not just my love life, but my childhood. So my dumbass stayed - but I eventually left when I was half a year into my first year of college because I started to really find myself, who I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go. He didn't fall in line with any of my goals.
In all three, I went back. I stayed longer than I should have. At the time, I thought it was because I loved them, and I thought love would help overcome all those doubts and that love would be enough for them to change. They didn't because I continued to try 100% and they only tried 50%. I was so infatuated that I really couldn't see my self-worth and I thought those were the relationships I deserved. I was so blinded by infatuation that I thought it was because I loved them, but it was because I loved the idea of them - what it was like in the beginning. I wore my heart on my sleeves, I loved with all my heart, and I was completely shattered those three times. My heart still aches this day reflecting on all this hurt. I built my walls so high and tucked my heart away so that I would never have to feel that feeling again. I'm scared to love, because I'm scared to hurt.
It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I'm still working on loving myself. I'm a lot better nowadays in that I love myself enough to somewhat know what I deserve... to know not to walk into a relationship blind like I did previously. I know now to not give second chances to someone who has hurt me. Those worthy of second chances, would not have blown the first chance. There are relapses where I don't feel worthy and I don't feel good enough. When I doubt myself, I doubt others. That's when I hide behind my walls. I hate feeling vulnerable and putting myself in a position where I could get hurt again... so I'd much rather not. I'm self-destructive in that I'll pull away when things get serious to avoid falling deeper just so I can protect myself from getting hurt. Selfish, I know. I am friends with one ex, not multiple exs anymore. The one ex I am friends with, it's not complicated, we just worked better as friends. Minus the fact I feel like I was the reason for his down spiral - so yes, there's guilt there, but that's the extent of it.
I have my own life, I understand you have your own. I still stand by the fact I'm a down ass chick. I can hang and I can give you your space. it still stands that if I'm never introduced to your friends, then you'll get an ear full from me... because bitch, why won't you want to show me off? LOL. I legitimately have NOTHING to hide, except for my 2,000 + selfies. I'm 100% down with you going through my texts, through messenger, snapchat, insta, etc., so long as you are 100% down to show me the same. Practice what you preach.
My past helped shape me. Every relationship I've had has taught me a lesson. I've had the time to slowly move on and try to rebuild myself. Thank u, next. HAHAHA. I've learned from he pain I've endured such as about who I am, why I do what I do, or say what I say, and I know my defense mechanisms.
**Jenn to continue post later, it's getting late and I'm running on like four hours of sleep from the night before**
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Friday, May 19, 2017
2017
Wow has last year flown by so fast. Just last year I was blogging about the Legislature and my time there. I was getting ready to end the school year and trying to figure out what I was going to do after graduation. I was in stress mode to finish up my last quarter strong, I was trying to finish studying for finals, finish final papers, and trying to apply like crazy for jobs.
If there was anything I learned from my last quarter, it was that everything will be alright as long as you take a minute to yourself, take a second to recollect your thoughts, and then keep chugging along.
Looking back at my last quarter at UW, I honestly wish I applied the same mentality I did spring 2016, to all my other quarters at the UW. I was as open as I could be, I broke out of my bubble, and I socialized and met as many new people as I could. Given it was my last quarter, my mentality was "If they don't like me, oh well."
Till the end I tried to managed to keep my shit together. There were long nights full of multiple 10 minute naps, long study sessions with classmates, endless readings, endless papers, and the worst part was that they came flying one after each other. And before you knew it, BOOM, it was time for exams! Giving myself little treats such as multiple 10 minute naps helped, giving myself the ability to see friends and hang out with them occasionally, and learning to reward myself for hard work ALL HELPED.
I can definitely say come end of May, I was scrambling around. I had this school stuff down and I threw one more stressful task into my already fragile task list. To find a job upon graduation. During my breaks I updated my LinkedIn, my resume, and my cover letters. I looked at various job search databases, and applied to as many places I could that were of interest to me. I reached out to all of my references and caught up with them. I did everything I could on my end to make sure I was "employable," to make me an ideal candidate, and to put myself out there as much as possible. I was doing informational interviews and meeting as MANY people as I could!
Next thing I knew, I was studying for finals and working on final papers. Then finals came around and I was finally done. I remember staying up ALL night the night before my POL S and LSJ graduations trying to finish my International Conflict paper and FINALLY finishing at 8AM. Although it was due at 3PM, my graduations overlapped the due dates so I tried to rush finish as much as I could.
Next thing I knew, I walked both of my departmental graduations and was finally done! I walked by big graduation and my time at the UW was officially done. The week after graduation, I was responding to e-mails on job offers and positions, scheduling interviews, and attending interviews. By Thursday of that week following graduation, I received several job offers. And I committed to a place I knew was unique, would help me grow, and offered me an experience I knew I COULD NOT get anywhere else. After my week off of school doing the job hunting process, the 2nd Monday after graduation, I became employed. Since then, I have been working my tail feathers off :).
The work life is definitely different than being in school. But honestly, I think that's another post for another day.
If there was anything I learned from my last quarter, it was that everything will be alright as long as you take a minute to yourself, take a second to recollect your thoughts, and then keep chugging along.
Looking back at my last quarter at UW, I honestly wish I applied the same mentality I did spring 2016, to all my other quarters at the UW. I was as open as I could be, I broke out of my bubble, and I socialized and met as many new people as I could. Given it was my last quarter, my mentality was "If they don't like me, oh well."
Till the end I tried to managed to keep my shit together. There were long nights full of multiple 10 minute naps, long study sessions with classmates, endless readings, endless papers, and the worst part was that they came flying one after each other. And before you knew it, BOOM, it was time for exams! Giving myself little treats such as multiple 10 minute naps helped, giving myself the ability to see friends and hang out with them occasionally, and learning to reward myself for hard work ALL HELPED.
I can definitely say come end of May, I was scrambling around. I had this school stuff down and I threw one more stressful task into my already fragile task list. To find a job upon graduation. During my breaks I updated my LinkedIn, my resume, and my cover letters. I looked at various job search databases, and applied to as many places I could that were of interest to me. I reached out to all of my references and caught up with them. I did everything I could on my end to make sure I was "employable," to make me an ideal candidate, and to put myself out there as much as possible. I was doing informational interviews and meeting as MANY people as I could!
Next thing I knew, I was studying for finals and working on final papers. Then finals came around and I was finally done. I remember staying up ALL night the night before my POL S and LSJ graduations trying to finish my International Conflict paper and FINALLY finishing at 8AM. Although it was due at 3PM, my graduations overlapped the due dates so I tried to rush finish as much as I could.
Next thing I knew, I walked both of my departmental graduations and was finally done! I walked by big graduation and my time at the UW was officially done. The week after graduation, I was responding to e-mails on job offers and positions, scheduling interviews, and attending interviews. By Thursday of that week following graduation, I received several job offers. And I committed to a place I knew was unique, would help me grow, and offered me an experience I knew I COULD NOT get anywhere else. After my week off of school doing the job hunting process, the 2nd Monday after graduation, I became employed. Since then, I have been working my tail feathers off :).
The work life is definitely different than being in school. But honestly, I think that's another post for another day.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
2016
It has been quite a while since I last made a post. 2015 ended with a bang. Honestly, I do not even remember who my last post was even about nor why this person was worth the post. My summer was filled with ups and downs. I was promoted to a legal assistant role and worked on various cases for the firm. I was also blessed with the ability to have been able to purchase a new car - I saved up my own money and was able to get one. However, day of, upon driving it home, someone rear-ended me. It was basically a hit and run with how little I even had to go on. Regardless, that was the lowest point of my summer because it brought forth my anxiety and my depression. As a matter of fact, it kicked my depression and anxiety into full gear. Then there was the back pain + neck pain I endured.
Despite that, I was still able to see friends and go on at least one hike before the summer ended. As the school year rolled around I prepared myself for my last year. I finished up my application for an internship at the leg. near the beginning of October. I took practical reasoning with my friend, a seminar class on climate change and met the most amazing people ever, and a press and politics course. Nearing the end of autumn quarter, I received notice I received a spot for the internship for winter quarter & would be spending 3 months away at the Capitol. I solidified my rooming plans with someone in my pre-law fraternity and before I knew it Christmas had rolled around. By then, I was preparing myself for my internship by reading about the legislative process and reading up on the ethics of working for the leg.
As winter quarter started, I moved to the capital and toured the Capitol. My first week there, my friends John and Gabe visited me down there. It was a nice visit because it helped me settle in a lot easier. For the duration of my internship, Hannah (my roomie and I) lived with a woman with three cats. It was quite relaxing being able to cook for myself, do my own laundry, have a beer or a glass of wine after work, and basically just... adult. I had a total of two papers, a journal to keep up, weekly reports for the internship, and of course whatever assignments I needed to do to partake in the internship activities such as researching bills and what not - but despite that it was the most amazing time ever. I didn't have to stay up really late to read or do homework. I was basically living an adult life without the help of my parents. I want to say the internship brought me and Hannah closer - closer than our fraternity ever brought us together. I met so many amazing people during the course of my internship. I am glad I had the ability to experience such an experience. I was able to shadow the attorney general, meet other legislators, and see the process from behind the scenes.
Now I am finishing up my last quarter at my Uni. I've met three great guys this quarter that I honestly think are amazing guys and I would love to pursue them. Reading back, I realize how much I condemn myself for pining after guys or letting a guy take over my life. However, these three are different in that... they ACTUALLY seem to align very well with my life goals and my political views. It's just incredibly rare for me to find anyone with even remotely the same interests and be so incredibly similar to me.
I'll have to see where this leads. Anyway, I have a couple papers to work on - so I guess I'll have to end this post here. Peace out.
Despite that, I was still able to see friends and go on at least one hike before the summer ended. As the school year rolled around I prepared myself for my last year. I finished up my application for an internship at the leg. near the beginning of October. I took practical reasoning with my friend, a seminar class on climate change and met the most amazing people ever, and a press and politics course. Nearing the end of autumn quarter, I received notice I received a spot for the internship for winter quarter & would be spending 3 months away at the Capitol. I solidified my rooming plans with someone in my pre-law fraternity and before I knew it Christmas had rolled around. By then, I was preparing myself for my internship by reading about the legislative process and reading up on the ethics of working for the leg.
As winter quarter started, I moved to the capital and toured the Capitol. My first week there, my friends John and Gabe visited me down there. It was a nice visit because it helped me settle in a lot easier. For the duration of my internship, Hannah (my roomie and I) lived with a woman with three cats. It was quite relaxing being able to cook for myself, do my own laundry, have a beer or a glass of wine after work, and basically just... adult. I had a total of two papers, a journal to keep up, weekly reports for the internship, and of course whatever assignments I needed to do to partake in the internship activities such as researching bills and what not - but despite that it was the most amazing time ever. I didn't have to stay up really late to read or do homework. I was basically living an adult life without the help of my parents. I want to say the internship brought me and Hannah closer - closer than our fraternity ever brought us together. I met so many amazing people during the course of my internship. I am glad I had the ability to experience such an experience. I was able to shadow the attorney general, meet other legislators, and see the process from behind the scenes.
Now I am finishing up my last quarter at my Uni. I've met three great guys this quarter that I honestly think are amazing guys and I would love to pursue them. Reading back, I realize how much I condemn myself for pining after guys or letting a guy take over my life. However, these three are different in that... they ACTUALLY seem to align very well with my life goals and my political views. It's just incredibly rare for me to find anyone with even remotely the same interests and be so incredibly similar to me.
I'll have to see where this leads. Anyway, I have a couple papers to work on - so I guess I'll have to end this post here. Peace out.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Lessons.
Before I make a post closing the school year, talking about how far I have come as a social person, and talking about how this year might actually have been one of the best years of my college career, I just want to make a post about something that I have realized over the years and I could not realize this without the help of two dear friends.
As read before in previous posts, my history with boys, relationships, and "talking" to boys has always been rocky. Mostly because I tend to pick out the flaws in every guy I meet and find an excuse to shy away. Even though I am aware of this problem, I don't address it. The first lesson I learned yesterday is that sometimes solitude and loneliness can help with productivity. The second, pick yourself up when you fall down. The third, find someone who lights a fire under your ass and pushes you to be your best and do your best.
In the past month, I met a guy who seemingly was perfect. It was not like I reorientated my life to make it revolve around him. But I would say he had the potential to have been a very important part of my life. I thought everything was okay… that nothing was wrong. But apparently, he thought differently because it has been a week since we last texted. Yes, he could be busy and not have time, but I'm busy too and I made time. The crucial factor here is priorities. It is obvious that I am not a priority. Which is totally fine, don't get me wrong… it is just it would have been nice if I was. It could have been the fact that I fall too easily or that I strongly desire a potential long-term relationship with someone seemingly stable, goal-orientated, and driven. Part of the problem with this is not that it hinders my goals and drive or anything… but I find that I work best when I'm not "talking" to guys, or when I'm not dating. Part of the reason why I hesitate to wear my heart out on my sleeves is for the reason that I'm scared of getting hurt. However, some accuse me of being an ice queen when I do that or say that I will never find love. So when I decide to take that leap of faith, I always expect karma or whatever higher power there is out there to reward me pushing out of my comfort zone. I guess this rejection (in a sense) is the world's way of telling me that it just is not my time yet. I don't have a problem with any of this. It's just, when I take that leap of faith, I am acknowledge the void I feel, the need to fill this empty space within me. When it does not get filled, I feel lost. If anything, the void becomes bigger because of that leap of faith. This is why I am so hesitant to trust, to love, and to wear my heart out on my sleeves. Every time I do, the universe loves to screw me.
Okay Jenn, how does this make you more productive? I suppose, for me to avoid the void, to try not to feel the emptiness or the pain, I work more. I focus strictly on school and work SO much to the point I do not have time to worry about my feelings. Working dulls the void. Of course when I was talking to him I did slow down a bit on my productivity… but now that I know he's not interested, I have more time to myself… I have no problem being alone. If anything I think loneliness should be embraced (refer to previous post about the negative stigma attached to being alone). The thing is, I feel like I have become so accustomed to being alone that I thrive both educationally and life wise. I am scared I will become complacent with being alone - that I will be a lone for the rest of my life. The path that I'm choosing, the life career, the way I work when it comes to work and school - it is very easy for me to shut people out and to focus ONLY on my goals. I'm a workaholic for the reason that it prevents me from thinking about shit like this. Anyway, I will add more onto this post later. I have to work on a speech.
As read before in previous posts, my history with boys, relationships, and "talking" to boys has always been rocky. Mostly because I tend to pick out the flaws in every guy I meet and find an excuse to shy away. Even though I am aware of this problem, I don't address it. The first lesson I learned yesterday is that sometimes solitude and loneliness can help with productivity. The second, pick yourself up when you fall down. The third, find someone who lights a fire under your ass and pushes you to be your best and do your best.
In the past month, I met a guy who seemingly was perfect. It was not like I reorientated my life to make it revolve around him. But I would say he had the potential to have been a very important part of my life. I thought everything was okay… that nothing was wrong. But apparently, he thought differently because it has been a week since we last texted. Yes, he could be busy and not have time, but I'm busy too and I made time. The crucial factor here is priorities. It is obvious that I am not a priority. Which is totally fine, don't get me wrong… it is just it would have been nice if I was. It could have been the fact that I fall too easily or that I strongly desire a potential long-term relationship with someone seemingly stable, goal-orientated, and driven. Part of the problem with this is not that it hinders my goals and drive or anything… but I find that I work best when I'm not "talking" to guys, or when I'm not dating. Part of the reason why I hesitate to wear my heart out on my sleeves is for the reason that I'm scared of getting hurt. However, some accuse me of being an ice queen when I do that or say that I will never find love. So when I decide to take that leap of faith, I always expect karma or whatever higher power there is out there to reward me pushing out of my comfort zone. I guess this rejection (in a sense) is the world's way of telling me that it just is not my time yet. I don't have a problem with any of this. It's just, when I take that leap of faith, I am acknowledge the void I feel, the need to fill this empty space within me. When it does not get filled, I feel lost. If anything, the void becomes bigger because of that leap of faith. This is why I am so hesitant to trust, to love, and to wear my heart out on my sleeves. Every time I do, the universe loves to screw me.
Okay Jenn, how does this make you more productive? I suppose, for me to avoid the void, to try not to feel the emptiness or the pain, I work more. I focus strictly on school and work SO much to the point I do not have time to worry about my feelings. Working dulls the void. Of course when I was talking to him I did slow down a bit on my productivity… but now that I know he's not interested, I have more time to myself… I have no problem being alone. If anything I think loneliness should be embraced (refer to previous post about the negative stigma attached to being alone). The thing is, I feel like I have become so accustomed to being alone that I thrive both educationally and life wise. I am scared I will become complacent with being alone - that I will be a lone for the rest of my life. The path that I'm choosing, the life career, the way I work when it comes to work and school - it is very easy for me to shut people out and to focus ONLY on my goals. I'm a workaholic for the reason that it prevents me from thinking about shit like this. Anyway, I will add more onto this post later. I have to work on a speech.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Last quarter, journaling, and motivation.
This past quarter was one of the hardest quarters I had thus far. Even though it was only 15 credits, the work load equated/if not, then surpassed the quarter I took 18 credits - four classes. This past quarter was also the one where I took on a 24 hr/week internship commitment. There were people who doubted me, they thought I couldn't handle this load. At times I doubted myself. In addition to this work load and internship - one of my friendships was compromised due to someone admitting their feelings to which I did not feel the same... throwing me further off track. But I eventually snapped out of it - Instead of holding onto negative feelings and negative thoughts, I journaled it all. Instead of moping around, lying in bed, or feeling sorry for myself - I wrote every single thought, emotion, and event down. Journaling was my outlet this quarter. Being able to release all these thoughts and emotions allowed for me to focus on what was really important. In addition, the friends I made this past quarter in my classes - Lucy, Sharon, Rachel, Sam, Andres, and Graciela, and a friend I’ve made several quarters ago, Daniel, really helped motivate me and helped me work my hardest. In addition to my long time standing support system aka my sister and my best friend Crystal. Although this past quarter was one of the hardest yet, I believe it was the most rewarding and self-enriching. Journaling really does wonders... Oh and I ended this quarter with an overall GPA of 3.9... See, working hard, losing sleep, and staying focused, NO MATTER HOW BUSY OR “IMPOSSIBLE,” is possible. People told me it was impossible to maintain good grades while committing so much time to my internship... I made it possible by managing my time and focusing on the end goal.
A GPA of 3.9 is my highest GPA of my whole college career for any quarter. For my Crime and Punishment final, I ended up with a 99/100, the second midterm I got a 98, and the first one I scored a 100. For that class I racked up a 4.0 overall grade point average. Overall, I think I'm really going to miss this class because of all the awesome people I met.
For my U.S. Race and Ethnic Politics class, I ended up with an overall grade of 3.8, one of the three people in my section to get a 4.0 on the first analytical paper, a 3.8 on the midterm, a 3.8 on my second analytical paper and a 98/100 on the final. I was looking at the statistics for the final and the max grade was a 98. This was by far one of the harder classes due to all the of readings we had to do. In addition to that, the TA I had a pretty strict TA who looked for certain things in the essays and the exam answers...
Yay, I managed to be at the top of the class. Lastly, for my Immigration Citizenship Rights class, I ended up with a 3.9 GPA. There is not much to say for this class except for there were a lot of readings and that most of the class material was pretty straight forward.
This quarter, I'm taking four classes again - a load of 18 credits. I'm taking two public speaking based classes in hopes of improving my public speaking skills because it is essential to have these skills when entering the real world. This quarter might be a tad bit stressful for me considering the fact I'm not great at public speaking since I'm so shy. Hard to believe right? I'm taking a political theory class... which is also hard because I'm use to writing empirically... not normatively. As of right now, I am struggling with my first paper due to not knowing where to really start. And then there's my LSJ internship class.
I'll post something else later this month... but as for now, off to start doing my homework.
Yay, I managed to be at the top of the class. Lastly, for my Immigration Citizenship Rights class, I ended up with a 3.9 GPA. There is not much to say for this class except for there were a lot of readings and that most of the class material was pretty straight forward.
This quarter, I'm taking four classes again - a load of 18 credits. I'm taking two public speaking based classes in hopes of improving my public speaking skills because it is essential to have these skills when entering the real world. This quarter might be a tad bit stressful for me considering the fact I'm not great at public speaking since I'm so shy. Hard to believe right? I'm taking a political theory class... which is also hard because I'm use to writing empirically... not normatively. As of right now, I am struggling with my first paper due to not knowing where to really start. And then there's my LSJ internship class.
I'll post something else later this month... but as for now, off to start doing my homework.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Another quick update.
I don't exactly know how many people actually read my blog but here comes another post.
This quarter is coming to an end. Week 10 is this upcoming week and I'm meeting with a couple people from one of my classes later to finish a quick group project for presentations on Thursday. This quarter has gone by extremely quickly. I would like to say I've done a lot of work this past quarter pertaining my internship and my education. I've gotten pretty decent grades, I can only hope that my most recent project turned in and my second major paper receive just as equally decent grades. Decent being above a 3.5. Although I am a little disheartened that I did not get a 100 on my second Crime and Punishment midterm, I did get a 98. I can only work to do better for the final - Hopefully for the final, I score 95 or above. That'll get me in the 3.9-4.0 range for the end of the quarter. With my other two classes though, it is really hard to determine the grade I will end up with there. Partially because they are two of the hardest classes I have taken in a long time consisting of A TON of readings. Hopefully I end up with decent grades for those classes too.
Regarding my internship, I am learning a lot. I've been assigned several cases to work and I think I am doing fairly well. However, the last two internship days were cut short thus pushing back my progress on the cases. I hope to be able to finish my stuff soon.
Yes, it seems like my life revolves around school and work. However, I am trying to balance it out. Anyway, I have a ton of readings and stuff to catch up on… but I will be doing that after watching House of Cards - I want to thank my U.S Race and Ethnic Politics professor for getting me started on watching House of Cards, it's a really great Netflix series.
Aside from that, I haven't really been updating this blog mostly because of my hectic schedule, which won't seem to clear up anytime soon. I will try to post at least twice or three times a month on this blog to update it. I've mostly been keeping a journal on events regarding my life… I have found keeping a journal to be extremely therapeutic, however that means that I have neglected my blog - which I will not do anymore.
Last point, it's really hard clearing up my schedule for just anyone. So please do not take offense if something in my schedule comes up causing me to cancel plans. I don't want to burn bridges, but trust me, I will if I must. I cannot stand people who do not understand how high I hold my priorities. If you do not understand that, you cannot be a part of my life, why? Because I do not need someone holding me back instead of pushing me forward.
Anyway, that is all I have to say regarding this quick update. I'll try to post again sometime later this month… probably and most likely after finals!
This quarter is coming to an end. Week 10 is this upcoming week and I'm meeting with a couple people from one of my classes later to finish a quick group project for presentations on Thursday. This quarter has gone by extremely quickly. I would like to say I've done a lot of work this past quarter pertaining my internship and my education. I've gotten pretty decent grades, I can only hope that my most recent project turned in and my second major paper receive just as equally decent grades. Decent being above a 3.5. Although I am a little disheartened that I did not get a 100 on my second Crime and Punishment midterm, I did get a 98. I can only work to do better for the final - Hopefully for the final, I score 95 or above. That'll get me in the 3.9-4.0 range for the end of the quarter. With my other two classes though, it is really hard to determine the grade I will end up with there. Partially because they are two of the hardest classes I have taken in a long time consisting of A TON of readings. Hopefully I end up with decent grades for those classes too.
Regarding my internship, I am learning a lot. I've been assigned several cases to work and I think I am doing fairly well. However, the last two internship days were cut short thus pushing back my progress on the cases. I hope to be able to finish my stuff soon.
Yes, it seems like my life revolves around school and work. However, I am trying to balance it out. Anyway, I have a ton of readings and stuff to catch up on… but I will be doing that after watching House of Cards - I want to thank my U.S Race and Ethnic Politics professor for getting me started on watching House of Cards, it's a really great Netflix series.
Aside from that, I haven't really been updating this blog mostly because of my hectic schedule, which won't seem to clear up anytime soon. I will try to post at least twice or three times a month on this blog to update it. I've mostly been keeping a journal on events regarding my life… I have found keeping a journal to be extremely therapeutic, however that means that I have neglected my blog - which I will not do anymore.
Last point, it's really hard clearing up my schedule for just anyone. So please do not take offense if something in my schedule comes up causing me to cancel plans. I don't want to burn bridges, but trust me, I will if I must. I cannot stand people who do not understand how high I hold my priorities. If you do not understand that, you cannot be a part of my life, why? Because I do not need someone holding me back instead of pushing me forward.
Anyway, that is all I have to say regarding this quick update. I'll try to post again sometime later this month… probably and most likely after finals!
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Another quick post!
For right now, I'm deciding between whether or not I want my future to be one filled with politics and directly affecting legislature or to work in a law office and uphold the law directly... More to come on my road to finding out where I belong in the future.
Anyway, I'm done with my quick update! (:
P.S., here's a beautiful picture of my new MacBook Pro next to my old one, aren't they both such a beauty?
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