What kind of friend I am.
I'm the kind of friend who would literally drop anything and everything to be there for you when you absolutely need it. Yes, this means when you feel depressed, when someone in your family has died, when you're going through a break up, and or something along that level of severity. However, when it is something as petty as helping you with a minuscule quiz that I completely forgot about because you failed to remind me, I cannot be held accountable for things you fail to remind me of. I am one of the downest girls too. If you're my girl, you're literally my girl. I will put you before any man and anyone else. If we're close friends or best friends, whatever you want to label our relationship as, I will be there for you. You want to get away for a while, I'll be in the drivers seat of the car waiting outside of your house for you. As a person, I'm busy with school. I want to succeed and maintain a decent if not exceptional GPA. In addition to that, I work. I have a busy life; we all have busy lives. Things are constantly going on, so it makes sense that I cannot ALWAYS be there. But you can count on me being there if the issue is as pressing as you wanting to commit suicide or if you think you're pregnant. But if you need someone to look over an essay, I can be your girl. But if you want me to do your paper, you can count on me ignoring your request or giving some sort of snarky remark.
Realistic Expectations.
If I trust you, you should trust me. If you don't want me to talk shit about you, you do not talk shit about me. If you expect me to come forward to you and be straight up, I expect the same. Friendships are not a one way street, like relationships, both parties have to contribute. You can expect me to be there for you whenever you need someone, but at the same time, be considerate. I have class, work, and homework to do, would it be realistic for me to be there for you 24/7? We all have things going on in our lives and we all aren't super humans… If you know that I am an academic person, you cannot expect me to always remember what you have going on unless you give some sort of reminder. Not last minute of course, but an occasional, "hey remember that we're doing this…" would be nice. Now, realistically, we aren't always going to be chatting, texting or in contact with each other, that's just too high of an expectation if you ask me. If I have you in my circle, then you are seriously in my circle. I don't have that many friends, so if I say you're my best friend, then you better believe that you are… I don't call JUST anyone my best friend. But being my best friend means I have a few expectations of you like you do of me, it's not complicated…
If you don't want a best friend talking shit about you, backstabbing you, spreading bullshit about you, why would you do that to your best friend? My recent end to a friendship consisted of a friend who whenever she was mad, never confronted me straight up, instead she ran to someone else to run her mouth. The fact it happened multiple times should have been a red flag to me from the start that she wasn't a good friend, but I brushed it off because I believed she was worth it. Instead of fixing the problem, she held it in for herself to contemplate how she felt, whether the issue was my fault or not. The thing that made me cut her off, was the fact she was willing to throw our friendship away over a miscommunication.
Instead of talking about the situation, she just kept saying she was done with me and kept bringing up the past. How are you to solve a problem if you keep bringing up the past. I understand friends are suppose to keep it one hundred with you, but be realistic here… you aren't talking about the problem at hand, you're talking about the problems from the past that were never solved because you decided to run your mouth to someone else. You can't blame me for something we never attempted at fixing together. Now, at this point I was seriously done.
People cannot expect me to be there for them after I have come to the realization they were deadweight on my life. Friends should never drag you back, they should be understanding, reasonable, willing to help you the way you help them and kind. Going behind each other's backs is not what friends do.
To conclude.
Nowadays, it is so easy for people to come into your life and use you, but I can see right through these people's bullshit. If you're my friend and you ask for a favor, I'll gladly do it. But at the same time, people need to know their limits. If you're always asking for favors and never returning the favor, I will feel like our friendship isn't being reciprocated. In addition, It is so easy for someone to be a fake friend, to use you for connections or for their own benefit.
To stop cancer from spreading, you cut off the infected areas. To fully cut the toxicity out of my life, instead of half ass cutting someone off by ignoring them (like she did to me)… I literally blocked her on everything. Blocked her on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, and even from sending me text messages/receiving her calls. No matter how much it hurts, if someone is not treating you like a good friend, if someone is not reciprocating the efforts you are putting forth, you do not need to keep them in your life. It may be hard, I understand… This girl use to be one of my best friends, we both went through hell in back, she was there through many crucial moments of my life, but the fact she failed to communicate with me when she had a problem and went to others to talk about me behind my back and refused to be reasonable and understanding, allowed for me to realize that she did not deserve to be in my life. She was literally deadweight, keeping me from moving forward.
Friends should never put you in a position to compromise anything: your integrity, your health, your safety and or your goals. Friends are understanding, they are reasonable, they are willing to listen.
Do I regret meeting her? No. Do I regret being friends with her? No. Do I regret having her become someone so close, someone that I confided in? No. I do not regret any of it because it was a friendship that I enjoyed, but at the same time it was toxic. This was a growing experience for me, it allowed for me to become a stronger person and allowed for me to realize when I need to draw the line and cut someone out. Of course not immediately, only after attempting to talk to them and try to work out the situation (and if it fails) should you cut them out.
Now, to end this, I would love to individually thank each and everyone of my friends who have been there for me this past year.
Candice, Crystal, Kela, Derek, Yulong, Vinh, Mariko, Chris, Andy, Tyler, King, and Daniel.
I would also like to give a shout out to my ex Tony, even though our past wasn't entirely great, you still care about me and try to make sure that I am happy. Several times this year, you took time out of your day to make sure I was okay, healthy, sleeping and getting my work done, he took time out of studying for finals to help me in my time of need.
Let's all remember those who hurt us, but at the same time cherish those who help us through our tough times. Cheers to fake friends, great friends, and to the many more fake and great friends that will enter our lives and impact it in various ways. Remember to never let it affect you too much!
If any of you guys ever need advice, or someone to talk to when it comes to losing a friend or dealing with friends, feel free to talk to me, jlynnchenn@gmail.com.
Happy New Year, loves!
xo, Jennifer Lynn
