I am not exactly happy with myself per se but I am content with myself. Although there are qualities that I do quite enjoy about myself, such as being such a driven person who does everything I can do achieve exactly what I want out of life, there are aspects of my personality that I really want to change.
I admit, I do come off as a cold, dark, mean, sarcastic, sassy, snarky, blunt, witty, rude asshole. But I can promise you that is not all of me and that I do in fact have a completely different side of me that I wish people would be able to see. I suppose it in a way, is my fault that people do not see this. But at the same time, it is just as much everyone else's fault that they don't see this side of me too.
I don't like being hurt, I don't like being picked on, and growing up that was all that ever happened to me, I am the way I am because of the events that happened in my life. I would like to be happy, bubbly, sweet, and nice. I hear from a lot of co-workers that I sound rather, apathetic. That I really should express my emotions more than I currently do. It's rather hard for me because I hide what I really feel and want to express. Why? Not sure, but I do. The thing is, the so called "negative" qualities I listed above can come off as rather negative, but at the same time it contributes to my independent side, to the side that allows for me to take care and defend myself and my loved ones when necessary. I guess it really depends on what perspective you take when applying these qualities.
I do find find myself bitting my tongue sometimes, but there are other times where I don't but based on the situation I do. Although I have come to love myself, the skills, and the qualities I posses. I still find myself critiquing myself. But isn't that the whole process of growing up as well? To critique and change yourself for the better? Or maybe it isn't?
Maybe it is being able to adapt to the situation. I find myself often thinking about things i could have said and things I could have done differently. I think being able to adapt is much better than acting a certain way the whole time. For example, when someone is picking on a friend or a family member, I would act os much differently. I am definitely not the type of person who will accept being pushed over, but i am also not the type of person to blow a situation out of proportion. Back to the example of someone picking on a family or a friend, I would definitely defend them and you can count on my sassy and snarky side coming out. But if it's a situation where someone is a real live threat, be I would definitely be passive. Knowing when to do something, say something or when to bite your tongue is most definitely a skill to have.
-Continue post later, I have homework-
